I must say that so far blogging has been a most enjoyable experience. I am so inspired by ideas posted by young women from all over the country and the world! There is only one thing that is troubling me, though: Marriage. What is up with all of these bloggers in my age group that are married? How do they have life so put together that they've already tied the knot to "the most amazing man in the world"? Don't get me wrong, I am happy for married girls. I send a big ole pat on the back to those who wait for marriage, value the family, and those who still believe in love stories. (The kind of love story that requires a man to step up and lead a family) BUT-In all honesty I get tired of reading about it. Maybe it's just envy, because I really do want that for myself someday. But that's just the thing-I want it someday. I've come to terms with the fact that I've not reached that season in my life. I should be okay with that. Why rush it when you KNOW it requires waiting until your time for things to work out as they are intended to? Right? RIGHT??
Ok lets be real here, I know that to be true, but I still wish it was happening sooner than someday...
Backstory: I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Moving back home from college has really brought me back to my roots. It's crazy how going off into the world can cause you to stray from the things you know to be true and wise. I felt like I knew it all in high school. I was raised in Church. I'm talking since day one I was in God's house every sunday-as a little poopy-diaper baby (in adorable dresses and hair bows, might I add). I knew all about God before I was potty trained, people. I went to a Christian school my WHOLE life. I knew all the facts. Need a bible verse? I got your back, friend. Need to know the right way to handle any situation "the Christian way"? I had the answer. I thought it was all so EASY. As a high school senior I had no fear about the dating world. NONE! It was all so black and white to me, because I had never experienced anything that put my beliefs to the test. I had never actually had to apply them out in the real world because I lived in a bubble. It was a great bubble and sometimes I miss it. At the same time I wish I could go shake my 18 year old self and say "WAKE UP PRECIOUS THE REAL WORLD ISN'T ALL THAT EASY!" Long story short, after venturing out into the real world (and dating), it all just imploded onto my little naive head. So don't think I just bought a one way ticket on the crazy train to hell in college. I didn't forget what I had been taught all my life. I just thought I could deviate from the recipe for the type of relationship I wanted, and somehow get the same cake. I had to live and learn. That's ok though. Sometimes that's what we need to give our beliefs some grip-to show us why they are worth holding on to at all.
Fast forward four years...
At the time being, I like to consider myself on a relationship diet. I've had enough of lending my heart to something that's just not right for me. Unhealthy relationships, just like an unhealthy diet, bring you down. You feel sluggish and sometimes even a little sick to your stomach. You are feeding your body (in this case your heart) with something that might taste good at the time...but it's no good for you. And you know it. Just like anything else in life though, you won't make that change until you put your OWN foot down and decide it for yourself. Even then it is hard to let go of what you are used to or comfortable with. So as part of my diet, I am refraining from dating at all. None. Zero. Zilcho. I'm focusing on myself for a while. Doing the things I love, making some progress towards my life goals, and most importantly re-establishing my beliefs in an all new way-that actually has meaning to me now.
This brings me back to the world of blogging and the large population of extremely giddy non-single bloggers, facebookers, instagrammers, and PINNERS (omg the pinners are the worst). Although I am so happy for these people, and pray that someday I can be in your shoes, right now I'm not even close. It's so hard for me to look at these people constantly. If you were on a serious diet for your health, and every time you opened a social media website or app and all you saw were cheeseburgers, how would you feel?? I should be looking to God and his plan for my life, not a man or a ring, to complete me. Unfortunately, I find that many married lady bloggers send this message to readers.
My Solution: Don't look at it. I have un-followed so many people on twitter, instagram, and whatever else couples tend to flood with 'happiness'. As wonderful as it is, it causes me to dwell on things that I don't need in my life at this time. It is in my nature to want it. I live in the south, and when you aren't in a relationship with your 'to-be spouse' or engaged at my age, everyone thinks it's a problem. People are always trying to set you up, as if the situation needs fixing. Surrounded by this mentality, along with being constantly bombarded with social media fraught with mushy-gushiness, it is so easy to become impatient. Impatience is not my friend in this situation-this is NOT something I want to rush into with the wrong person at the wrong time in my life!
Guess what? I don't have a wedding board on pinterest. Anybody I follow-I don't follow their wedding board. Anyone that posts really often about their 'perfect' dating relationship I don't do either. You might think I'm being extreme here, but I gotta do what it takes to keep myself positive and patient! I catch myself looking for 'the one' all the time because I'm so tired of waiting...that's just not good. I am focusing on myself. I am doing my best to become the best version of myself so I can be someone's 'one' someday. No more rushing! I'm working really hard to achieve my goals for my life right now academically, and it requires a lot of focus! I doubt this will be my favorite season of life, but I hope making decisions to better myself now will make me thankful down the road for this particular chapter. I am learning every single day, and praying that God brings blessings out of my mistakes. It's easy to look back on your past and get down on yourself about it, but some VERY valuable things come from life experience-wisdom and insight.
This song means a lot to me, and reminds me that my prince charming is on his way. I shouldn't delay his arrival by dating-just to satisfy my impatience.
If you are a single lady blogger (or know of any neat-o single lady bloggers) please let me know! I'd love to follow! My MCAT is tomorrow! I feel a peace in my heart about it today which is an answered prayer because my anxiety has really been getting to me! If you think about it, please send a prayer my way! It would be greatly appreciated :) Thanks for reading and hope you have a great week!